Like a caged tired being freed back into the wild, the holidays have roared upon us. Yeah, I know. Bad analogy. This time of year brings about mixed emotions for me, as I’m sure it does for many. At first I’m excited. I thoroughly enjoy Thanksgiving. This is one of the few days most of my family gets together on a happy occasion. And surprisingly, we all get along pretty good for those few hours. I let go of any thoughts of dieting (like that is really on my mind anyway). What is Thanksgiving without all the fat and calories that come with the meal?
Once that day is over, I start to dread the holidays. Just thinking of shopping for others leaves me feeling nauseous. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Christmas is stuffed down our throats in early July. Come October, Madison Avenue goes into overdrive pumping must-have gift ideas and so-called “door buster” sales. By December, I’m pretty much over it.
In a family as big as mine, the holidays can bring about a fair amount of anxiety. You actually see each other more often during this one month period than probably any other time of year. I’ve even heard about holiday related stress from friends with smaller families. I guess the family dynamics are rough on the best of us. With this in mind, I’ve decided to put together a primer of sorts. I’ve already given pointers for how to be a gracious host. Now I will share a quick list of ways to help you stay sane during this time of year that’s supposed to be overflowing with joy.
- Keep your opinions to yourself. You might have been thinking that the last time you saw your 45 year old cousin she looked ridiculous dressed like a teenager, but when she walks in the door with skinny jeans hanging below the waist and a tight v-neck sweater with her twins threatening to pop out, just keep your mouth shut. You can always call your sister later and talk about it.
- If you’re going to have dinner at someone’s house you’ve never been to before, eat before going. I know this old trick is often used on other occasions, like first dates, but it works especially well for the holidays. Let’s face it, holidays are all about eating. You expect to be fed well. But what if you’ve never had their food before? You’ll go over there starving, prepared to stuff your face, only to be let down when the turkey tastes like a paper bag and you can’t tell the difference between the dressing and the gravy. If the food turns out to be good, just take a couple plates home with you for later.
- Dress comfortably, but carefully. Your picture is bound to end up on Facebook, Twitter or MySpace and it could be there before you even leave the house. Someone is going to be there with their camera phone at the ready. You’ll start getting Tweets about that humungous turkey leg you were just chomping on five minutes ago. If the dinner is at your house, you might want to implement a No Cameras Allowed rule. I’ve been considering this since I was “outed” on Facebook about a party I hosted of which none of my family members were invited. Good ole’ social networking.
- Give yourself a two drink minimum. This includes non-alcoholic drinks as well. If your stomach gets upset easily, take an Immodium before dinner. Unless you’re going to dinner at a 10 bathroom mansion, it’s best not to tie up the facilities. Holiday dinners usually don’t end right after the meal is over; at least not in my family. First there’s the cleanup. Then you sit around and talk for a couple hours. Later on, some folks realize they still have one notch left in their belt, so it’s back for seconds. More cleanup, more talking. By now, we’re several hours in. Sharing two or three bathrooms is not fun with 20-30 folks. When half of them have moved on to second base in there, it’s even less fun.
- Lastly, just enjoy yourself. Don’t worry about what could go wrong, because you really can’t do anything to stop it. It goes without saying that someone is going to get pissed, someone is going to feel slighted and someone is going to say the wrong thing. You’ll either be that someone in all 3 of these instances or you will be the person who does the pissing off, the slighting and the sticking your foot in your mouth. I’ve been on both sides. It ain’t pretty, but it happens to the best of us.
