It’s Labor Day weekend.  The last, official hurrah of the summer.  Instead of being sad about the end of the summer, most of us (especially here in the south) are looking forward to some cooler weather and a slower pace.  We’re ready to put away the bathing suits and beach towels and pull out the sweat pants and wool blankets, veg out in front of the TV and watch some football.

Seeing the gorgeous, pumpkin-colored decor in the stores and on magazine covers has me thinking about decorating again.  Something I haven’t cared about the whole summer.  After receiving one too many astronomically high electric bills, I’ve been looking at my house as more of a energy waster and money pit than anything.  As I sneer at the walls and high ceilings I’ve had to cool, I wonder why in the world I would want to make this high maintenance lady look pretty?  She’s been draining me dry!

But when I think of how she’s going to comfort us while our butts are glued to the sofa and we overdose on starchy food and hot toddies, it’s clear why we let her pimp us.  We have no defense for her charms.  Even when the obscene heating bills start to creep their way in, we’ll be so hypnotized by her magical power of seduction, we won’t notice. 

Damn her!

I’m a child of the 80’s. Indeed, I was born in the early 70’s, but my real “growing up” time was in the 80’s. This was the time of my teen years. When I started smelling myself; as the grownups used to say. Although I’m very much a disco music fan, I still have a strong affection for the colorful decade of leg warmers, big hair, parachute pants and layered socks. Heck, we were doing skinny jeans way back then. These kids today think they started the trend. You didn’t leave the house until your jeans were properly rolled tight at the ankles, folded over and tucked in – the tighter, the better.

The thing I remember most about the 80’s is that it was about having fun. Everything was silly and exaggerated. Sure, we had a fair amount of teen angst (as seen in movies like Sixteen Candles and Breakfast Club), but we didn’t take ourselves seriously. We thought life was one big party and the music certainly reflected that pattern of thinking. Movie soundtracks have never been better than they were in the 80’s. People went to the movies almost as much to hear the soundtrack than to see the movie itself.

Of course I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the language of the 80’s. We invented our own. Everything was like, totally awesome dude. I lived in the bible belt of the deep south but I spoke like I was born and raised in San Fernando Valley, thanks to the movie, Valley Girls.

Recently, I’ve been fattening my iPod with some 80’s tunes that I had on CD. Every now and then I get a hankering for the good ole times and need to get my music fix. I like to think back to a time when I had no bills to pay, someone else bought my clothes and food and my biggest dilemma was trying to decide what boy I would eat lunch with at school the next day.

I wouldn’t say the 80’s was the best decade. Less we forget, disco was born in the 70’s. Disco is and will always be my favorite genre of music. Don’t get it twisted and conflicted. But I will admit, during this time I figured out who I was and what I was going to be about. A late bloomer, I was not. Bananarama provided the soundtrack for my life, Dirty Dancing ignited a new passion and I longed to be a part of the Cosby family. Well at least part-time anyway. Dr. Huxtable just got me; unlike my father who never wanted me to step foot out of the house unless I was going to church or school. I realized much later in life that he was only trying to shelter me from the evils of society, but at the time I thought he was like totally buggin’ out. Can you relate?

As no one might have noticed, I’ve been incognito for a few days. Let’s just say, it’s a little hard to find the motivation, inspiration or even the sheer energy to write if you haven’t slept for two nights in a row.

Every now and then, I suffer from insomnia. I will lie in the bed sometimes and literally do not go to sleep. I’ll toss and turn until I figure I’ve tortured hubby enough and then get up and lie on the sofa. Usually the sofa lulls me to sleep. There’s something about a sofa or recliner that sends me straight to dreamland. But on those sleepless nights, there is no savior.

I try counting sheep; which is a joke. I’ve never even seen sheep in real life. I think of winning the lottery and hubby and I living on a secluded island. All we do is sit in lawn chairs all day watching the ocean waves while drinking beer like in those Corona commercials. Except we’re usually drinking Dos Equis or Bud Light Lime. I try to clear my mind completely. How does one do that exactly? Just the thought of clearing my mind leads me to other thoughts and before I know it, an hour has passed.

Let me tell you, it’s sheer madness when you’re lying there all night and cannot sleep. Then you get up and expect to be able to go about your daily activities as usual, since obviously you’re not going to be sleepy because if you were, you would have went to sleep already! Well, that is not what happens. Trust. You spend the whole freakin day in a zombie state. Just floating around wanting to go to sleep but you have to work so you can’t. So surely you think all will be well that night because you will now have two days worth of fatigue. Hah! Apparently, for me this week, it took 3 days of fatigue to finally knock me out.

I was lamenting about all this to two of the sisters. S7 tells me it’s because our mother used to give me coffee when I was a baby, so I have too much caffeine in my blood. And I never liked to take naps, which they all hated because it meant they had to deal with me all day long. Oh, OK. That pretty much explains it all. S6 stated emphatically that my lack of sleep is due to the fact that hubby and I eat out too much. She says there is something in the food. Bad news for the restaurant industry.

More likely, I just have too much on my mind and I really need to figure out how to clear it. Bed time needs to be bed time. Not time to think about everything that did and didn’t get done that day and what needs to be done the next. And certainly not time to try to figure out how this season of True Blood is going to end.

Such is the life of creatives. Not enough brain capacity for all that we try to process. Clearly I need a clone. She could do half of everything I do. Everything except sleep with hubby. THAT job cannot be outsourced.

Back in her heyday, Lauryn Hill was like the BFF we all wished we had. She was smart, sophisticated, fashionable. She was there with her words of wisdom when you needed her, but she wasn’t clingy, so you could still have your space. You didn’t even mind if she sang along to every song in the car.

Most of all, she always kept it real. When you were going through something and it felt like it was too much to bare, she told you, “Everything is everything. What will be will be.”She told the young girls to watch out because all the little boys wanted was That Thing. She reminded you of the first time you fell in love and how at the time, you thought it was The Sweetest Thing you’d ever known.

And then, like that one great friend, she disappeared without a word. Lauryn went through some things. One could say she had a major little mental breakdown. She not only went under the radar, she got off of it altogether. She left us fans wondering what went wrong and hoping, wishing and praying for her return.

Alas, that time may have come. She’s been making appearances here and there. Still looking a little out of sorts, voice not quite as strong. Her fashion game is a little weak these days (to say the least).  But you can see she still has a little spunk.  With a little tweaking, we could have our old Lauryn back–just a little smarter and wiser.

Some radio stations have been playing a new track by her (at least we think it’s new). The song actually made the Billboard charts recently.  This with basically no promotion on her part.  Maybe it’s a song that didn’t make the cut in her last album. Or maybe, just maybe, she’s been back in the studio. We can only keep our fingers crossed that the latter is true. Whatever the case, I miss Lauryn like I miss getting Christmas gifts as a kid. There was nothing she could bring that I didn’t like.

The track is called Repercussions. Take a listen.

Stop the presses!  Or as Rachel Zoe says, SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

I was watching an episode of Hard Knocks with hubby.  He’s all super hyped because his favorite football team, the Jets, is being featured this season.  GAG! They were focusing on one particular player.  I don’t want any trouble, so I won’t say his name.  He was naming his kids and giving their ages.  I was only passively listening, but I started to take notice once it seemed he was listing a small army.  After he finally finished, hubby and I just stared at each other.  Then you know what happened next.

REWIND.

Dude has 8 kids!  4 of them are 3 years of age!  2 of them are 2!  None of them are over 5!  Obviously, most of them have different mothers.

My mouth is still on the floor.

What was he thinking?  Did he go on a baby making marathon one year?  Did he wake up one day and decide he wanted to start his own little football team?

How is one able to afford that many kids these days?  I’ve always considered my parents to be superhuman for raising 12 kids on their meager salaries and without any kind of government assistance.  But things were not as expensive as they are now and we were in the country, where we grew most of our own food.

I hope he has a long, prosperous football career.  Though I’m sure he probably doesn’t see a dime of his money.

I just have one piece of advice – WRAP IT UP!  And I don’t mean a gift.

Living in a small town is quite unique. City living just doesn’t compare – even if you live in the burbs. Thing is, you usually don’t realize how different it is until you leave and live somewhere a little larger. Then it’s all, “Dorothy, we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

Growing up, I never felt like we were missing out on anything. We had a grocery store, a few gas stations, post office, couple of banks, police station, drug store and two department stores. We even had a Dairy Queen. What else did one need to survive?

We had one elementary and one high school. Back then, you went to elementary school through the 5th grade and then you went to high school. No such thing as middle school. But that was fine by us. In our minds, we were that much closer to being grownups.

I always felt safe in my town. There’s some comfort in knowing everyone around you and everything that goes on. It’s just like the Cheers song. “Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. And they’re always glad you came.” That’s a great feeling. Until you do something wrong. And then you hate that everyone knows your name. Even worse, they’re also going to know what you did.

Recently, I was reminded of an article I saw once about the craziest laws that are still on the books. Turns out, I come from a town that’s a lot more like Mayberry (from The Andy Griffith Show) than I thought.

My mom was telling me about a friend of the family whose son was recently arrested for shoplifting. Of course, this information is made public in the local paper, as are all arrests. Apparently, his court date is coming up and he has to make a major decision. He has to decide if he will do 2 days in jail or suffer the alternative, which he really doesn’t want to do.

What could be worse than 2 days in jail for a crime you obviously committed? Well, it seems in my hometown, if you get caught shoplifting, you either get to do jail time or you have to walk back and forth in front of the store that you stole from for 2 days. Eight hours each day. Oh, and you have to wear an orange vest that says SHOPLIFTER on the back. What the? What kind of backwoods, antiquated, Dodge City lawmaking is that? Can you imagine the logistical nightmare this would create in a larger city? I don’t know which crowd would be bigger; the shoplifters or the lookie loos.

I think a lot of the crazies in this city would definitely opt for the public humiliation. They would be thinking, “Heck, I can do my 8-hour stint and still make it home in time for dinner. Nice! Might be worth copping that sweet Prada bag.”

On the other hand, a country girl would be thinking, “Shucks, I can lose 10 pounds walking around in the heat. Yep, and then I’ll be able to fit into those Jordache jeans I stole for the county fair by the weekend.”

So far I’ve shared 5 pretty great iPhone apps.  Now I’m back with 5 more.  These are tried and true apps that I’ve used over and over and have yet to be disappointed with either of them.

Again, I’m sure many of them (or comparable ones) are available for other smartphones.

If you have any others you feel should be on this list, feel free to comment.  Remember, sharing is sexy.

CheckPlease – I used to carry around a little tip card just so I could make sure I was tipping fairly in restaurants.  I’ve worked in the restaurant business and I have friends and family who have done so as well, so I know how hard it is to make a living as a server.  Now with the CheckPlease app, leaving a good tip is the easiest thing in the world to do; especially for someone who is mathematically challenged like myself.  Just enter the amount of your check, the number of people you’re paying for and the percentage you would like to pay (15% is always a good start), then voila!  You have the exact amount you need for the tip as well as the final total of the bill.  Love it.

OpenTable – While we’re talking restaurants, don’t you just hate to call and make reservations over the phone?  You usually get put on hold at least twice before you can even tell the person why you’re calling.  Maybe you wake up at 6 AM and decide you want to go to Red Lobster for dinner that night.  Well, chances are, Red Lobster won’t be open at 6 AM.  And chances are, you might get so busy that day you completely forget to make the reservation later.  That’s where the OpenTable app comes in handy.  Make the reservations right from your phone at 6 AM and carry on.  You can also do this online on an internet connected computer, but who wakes up with a computer in their bed?  Creepy.

The Weather Channel – In addition to being a news buff, I’m also a tad bit obsessed with the weather.  This is one of the first apps I check every morning.  If severe weather is in store for my area, I really need to know this.  It could be the deciding factor on making that dinner reservation for later.  I’ve tried others, but The Weather Channel app has proven to be the most accurate thus far.

Amazon – This is the money saver app.  On several occasions, I’ve been in my favorite bookstore about to purchase a book when I remember that it is likely much cheaper on Amazon.  A quick check on the app almost always saves me five bucks or more.  I can purchase the book on my phone faster than I can walk to the checkout counter.  Of course I have to wait a couple of days to get the book, but in this economy, saving a few dollars is very much worth the wait.

Dropbox – Remember floppy disks?  I’m sure there are landfills all over this planet overflowing with them.  They used to be the only way to transfer files from one computer to another. They were actually pretty efficient for what we needed back then.  Somewhere along the way, however, we started to need more and more storage space and the floppy disk went the way of the dinosaur.  Along came CDs, DVDs, portable hard drives and thumb drives.  All of these are great, as long as you remember to take them with you.  An even better idea is online storage.  It will always be there as long as you can get access to the internet.  And let’s face it, there’s just about nowhere on the planet that you will be using a computer and not have access to the internet.  Dropbox is one of the leaders in online storage, in my humble opinion.  I have it loaded on my laptop, desktop and iPhone.  Anytime I’m about to save a file that I feel I might need to “take with me,” I save it in Dropbox.  As long as my computer is connected to the internet, that file will be saved on my other 2 devices as well.  Now I can always have access to that incriminating picture from our last family reunion in case I need to put some siblings in check.

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me or reads this blog that I have a love/hate (but mostly love) relationship with Apple products. I currently own an iPhone, iPod Nano and MacBook Pro. The iPad is on my radar and one of these days I’m going to go all in and get another iMac.

Of all the Apple gadgets I own – frankly of all the gadgets I own period – my iPhone is the most used. It’s like a growth; permanently attached to my hand. I eat with it at the table, I sleep with it on my nightstand. Sometimes I even take it in the bathroom with me. Too much information, right? Sorry.

I know that I’m not alone in my obsession. Hubby can’t even find fault with this one. I think he might have figured out a way to implant his phone into his arm ( or at least he should).

There are all kinds of websites and magazines one can refer to for suggestions on the best, latest and greatest apps for your iPhone, iPod or iPad, but I’ve often found many of them too cluttered with apps that are too techie for most people or that are downright useless. Despite the fact that my desk looks like both an office supply and bookstore threw up on it, I like to keep my iPhone organized and practical with only the apps I actually use on a regular basis. Many of these apps have actually saved me time and money. Even the ones that are not free have paid for themselves several times over.

So in the interest of sharing and being a good web citizen, I present to you the best list of apps ever compiled. And just in case you’re wondering, with your nosey self, I am not getting paid to endorse any of these (though I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea).

I have several great apps I would like to share, so I’ll break them down into 2 posts because, if you’re like me, you’ll lose interest if this thing drags on too long. And for those who have other smartphones like the Droid or Blackberry, don’t worry. I believe a lot of these apps (or similar counterparts) are available for you as well.

Bejeweled 2 – It’s the only game app I have. I’m not much of a gamer, but I like to have a good stress reliever on hand. I literally can play this game for an hour without blinking. It’s also good for making you look busy when you’re in a waiting room sitting next to an overly chatty person. Just put your phone on vibrate and get to sliding those jewels around. You’ll have the most intense look of concentration on your face. Like you’re running a corporation right from your phone. The other people will be thinking, geesh, she’s a busy woman.

Moviefone – If you’re a movie buff like me, this app will be your best friend. Once you set it up initially with your location, the latest show times and theaters within a 30 mile radius are right at your fingertips. You can also watch trailers and get the latest movie news. Remember those days when we used to look in the newspaper to get the show times? It was the most frustrating thing. Do they still print that information?

CBS Radio – I only have 3 songs downloaded on my phone, so this app works great for me when I’m out and about and have forgotten to pack my iPod. It’s great for times when you just want to hear talk radio from other cities around the country instead of hearing the same old rhetoric from your local hosts. I’m not one of those folks whose migrated all of my music from my iPod over to my iPhone. I prefer to keep these separate. I know it would make more sense, and I was actually considering this strongly until I was presented with the best reason in the world to never do this. We had a Memorial Day party at the house and as usual everyone wanted to hear different types of music, so I plugged the audio cable into our stereo system so people could hook up their iPods and share their own playlists. One of our guests was playing the music from his phone. It was a song everyone loved. We were jamming. Hands in the air, arms swaying from side to side, hips gyrating. Then his phone rang and the music stopped. He was thisclose to being beat down. How embarrassing.

U-verse TV – AT&T U-verse is a lovely creature. Hands down, it’s the best cable provider I’ve ever had. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been at work or various other places and remembered a show I wanted to record. Many of these times I’ve not had a computer with internet connection handy. No worries now. I can get on my phone, pull up my handy U-verse app and with a few clicks, I have my show recorded. I can look at everything that is already on the DVR and delete some things if necessary. Maybe I had already scheduled that show to record? I can look at the scheduled shows to be sure. Genius.

AP Mobile – For news buffs like myself, you never have to be out of the loop. If you’re hiding out in a cave and the sky is falling, you’ll get a breaking news alert. When you don’t feel like playing Bejeweled and you’ve caught up on all your email, you can read through the latest headlines while sitting in that waiting room trying your best to look busy. Local, national, international, outerspace. It’s all at your fingertips.

Check back for Part 2.

Weekends don’t always have to be spent frolicking around in the streets or vegging out in front of the TV. Sometimes it’s good to shut it down and pick up a good book. You know, recharge the old brain cells and save some money while you’re at it.

I’ve taken the liberty of compiling some books for your weekend reading pleasure. Some fun, some informative. One of these might even change your life. If you happen to get rich from one of my suggestions, please not there will may be a small fee.

Foxy: My Life in Three Acts
Pam Grier tells all in this autobiography. And then she tells some more. I’m not a fan of autobiographies, but I heard through the grapevine that this was a must read. All I can say is WOW. She has led a very interesting life; as you might expect from a Hollywood starlet. But she has been through a lot to get to where she is now. Good stuff.

Making a Living Without a Job, revised edition: Winning Ways for Creating Work That You Love
When I took this one to the checkout counter at Barnes & Noble, the cashier told me if I could figure out how to do what the title says, come back and let her know. I have a good feeling I will be looking her up soon. It can be done. According to an article I read recently, the year 2009 might be remembered more for the high number of new business startups than it’s deep recession. People just got sick of getting laid off and having others make decisions for their livelihoods. I know I did.

Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You
Ever wonder what all those clothes piled up on the floor of your closet is really about? Or why your friend’s purse is so heavy? What the heck is she carrying in that thing? I think about things like this a lot. Like, why can’t I keep my desk clean? Yes, it’s creatively cluttered yet again. I think I hit a new low. My last big cleaning job lasted all of about 2 days.

The Digital Photography Book
I’ve always been interested in photography since, like, forever. I would love to travel the world with my camera and take dynamic pictures of people, places and things that no other photographer has captured the way I could. Too bad I’m not even good enough to be called an amateur photographer. My picture taking truly sucks. And I really want one of those cool SLR cameras. It’s the gadget queen in me. But I cannot justify the price of one of those beauties without knowing how to really use one. Give me some time. So far this is the best photography book I’ve come across. It’s really easy to understand and provides just the right amount of information and technique for a budding amateur like myself.

How I Became a Famous Novelist
I wish I could have already written this book! This book should have been written by me! I should be the famous novelist that this book is about! Yet, here I sit without a published novel under my belt. But I digress. Reading this book was worth putting aside several hours of writing. It’s funny, yet incredibly engaging. And if you read it, you too might be inspired to write a funny or engaging novel. Or just the beginning of a novel. Maybe even more than I’ve written so far. That shouldn’t take much effort.

Exercising is probably my least favorite thing to do. Actually, it doesn’t even make the list of favorite things, so technically it’s not the least. It’s just something I do not like doing. Period.

I used to exercise a lot back when I was much younger, had a much higher metabolism and much less need for it.

I was so into working out, my best friend and I got trainer jobs with the football team at the college next door to the school we attended. We took that job seriously. It was hard work sitting on the feet of those big, strong ballers while they did hundreds of sit-ups. We had the joyous unpleasant duty of wrapping the towels around their sweaty, rippled chests once they were done. Yeah, that was hard work –especially considering we didn’t even get paid for it. It just allowed us to get in the football games for free. You couldn’t pay me enough to do that now. I mean, you wouldn’t really need to pay me. I could probably still do it for free considering how the schools are struggling to stay afloat these days. They really need volunteers. It would be the “honorable” thing to do.

Suffice it to say, I’ve been struggling to get back into a good workout groove since my college days. I’ve tried several aerobics videos. Those are almost always a bust. I hardly ever get past round one on any of them. Either the exercises become too increasingly difficult or I punk out for fear of actually breaking a leg or two. Let’s just say, Tae Bo was not a good look for me.

I’ve tried a multitude of different gym memberships. I always start out super excited, buying cute workout gear and packing it all into a cute, little gym bag. Then I get in the gym and look around to see a bunch of folks who look like they don’t even need to be there and the motivation hits the skids almost immediately.

What I had not tried was the pool. Aqua aerobics, to be exact. Hubby had gone several times before and would always try to get me to go with him. I always chickened out because of the one little fact that I thought was a prerequisite. I can’t swim. And hubby knows I can’t. So why was he constantly asking me to join him? Was this some sinister plot of his to get rid of me?

He would always assure me that I didn’t have to know how to swim to take the class. “The water is shallow. You’re standing up.” Yeah, right. I didn’t believe him. It’s not that I’m afraid of the water. I get out and romp around in the ocean like I’m Michael Phelps every time I go to the beach. I’ve sat in pools for hours on end while on vacation. I just don’t like to be embarrassed. I did not want to get in that class and look like an idiot if the teacher should decide to have us do relay laps up and down the pool. It would be such a shame to end a beautiful marriage over something like that.

Finally, after a good year or two of making excuses every time hubby got ready to head to the pool, I put my big girl bathing suit on and headed out with him. I got right on in those 3 feet of water and prepared to work it out. Too bad I had informed the teacher it was my first time. She promptly walked down to my very shallow end of the pool and told me she was seeing too much chest. She needed me to march, swim, float or do whatever I needed to do to get in some deeper water. To say that I was already starting to panic would be an understatement. But I was determined to push through it. Hubby kept saying I could at least do 4’6. Being that I’m 5’6, I could still stand up quite comfortably. So I carefully paddled my way down. He was right.

From that point on, I was a squatting, jogging, weight lifting machine. And I had the best time doing it! The 50 minutes went by much faster than I expected. Could it be that I had finally found something I could really get into? I had to get a couple more classes in before I could be sure. I hate to get too excited about anything.

Well, after 3 weeks of somewhat consistent attendance, I’ve decided this has to be the best form of exercise ever. Aside from it’s obvious benefits, aqua aerobics is just pure fun. It’s a real workout, so even though you’re not as sore the next day as you would be from traditional exercise, you start to feel results after only a few classes. Even though sometimes I want to throw my water weights at the teacher for making us run in place too long, I’ve enjoyed every minute of it so far. And with the desert-like heat we’ve been experiencing here in the south, the pool has been a welcome retreat.

I’m thinking I’m not that far away from the body I had back in my college days. Yeah, the 24-pack will soon be a 6. Oh, and don’t even get me to talking about the bikini I’ll be wearing soon.

And no, I don’t have chlorine in the brain.