As much as I want it to be, the inspiration for writing has not been there lately. I’m sure this is quite evident by my absence. I promise to be back soon. So let’s just say I’m on hiatus like all my favorite sitcoms during the holidays.
I’m a major procrastinator. This is something I truly wish I could correct. As you might imagine, it can be a real problem in my day to day life. True to form, here I am 2 days before Christmas, scrambling to buy presents and absolutely perplexed as to why I waited so long. It’s not like I had to wait on an infusion of cash. I wasn’t too busy working or building a house or saving the freaking world for goodness sakes. I was simply being me.
Oh I’ve been shopping alright. I’ve been to all my usual haunts. Target has benefited from my shopping addiction at least 5 times in the past 2 weeks. Did it ever once cross my mind that I should be looking for gifts? Of course! But as usual, that little voice in my head spoke ever so lightly to me. “You’ve got plenty of time for that. Go ahead and get something for yourself now. Worry about everyone else later.”
Well later is now. I thought I would go out yesterday and get all my gifts in one shot. How crazy was that plan? My first stop was TJ Maxx. I racked up on some great, inexpensive household items for the women in my family. As I maneuvered my little shopping cart up to the front of the store, I was feeling pretty good about my plan and thinking I could probably hit one more store and be done! The joke was totally on me. When I realized the checkout line was longer than the line at the Saturday morning swap meet on opening weekend, I almost left that little cart in the middle of the store and walked out. But I just couldn’t pass up the great deals I’d found, so I waited. And waited.
Let’s just say that was the end of my venturing out to buy gifts. I realized I was going to have to go online. Thank God for Amazon and their free 2 day shipping. That website is the procrastinator’s best friend. I was able to get the rest of my gifts with just a few clicks and in less than 20 minutes.
I could have splurged and elected to have everything delivered tomorrow for an astronomical fee, just to be on the safe side. I even considered this for a split second until that little voice spoke up and asked if I was crazy. So now I’m putting my trust in Brown or Fedex. If they don’t show up on time I have the procrastinator’s other friend, a honorary degree in B.S. I’ll have folks thinking I had their gifts sitting in the donate box by mistake and hubby took them to Goodwill. By the time I’m done, I might be able to get out of having to give gifts at all this year and can send everything back for a full refund. I did see a cute little purse at Macy’s the other day.
I see you shaking your head. Whatevs. I’m NOT selfish. I’m tired and crabby and should be paying some bills right now that were due 2 weeks ago.
- Yesterday I saw two women in a car. Each of them were smoking a cigarette. The license plate on the car was promoting Breast Cancer Awareness. I guess lung cancer is not a top priority for them.
- My sister called the other day and tried to be sarcastic. She asked me what I was doing and I told her I was doing laundry. She then asked if I was still sleeping until 2PM every day. She called me at 1PM. I guess the joke was on her.
- I was on the phone with tech support about my cable service. The agent said he would have to send someone out to take a look at our lines. He said they were very flexible with times and could make it convenient for me. He then asked if the next morning was good, which was a Saturday. I told him no one would be at home and asked if it was OK to send someone that Monday. He said that might be a problem. What happened to being flexible? I had to stay home that Saturday to make it convenient for them.
- I had a cocktail party at the house the other night. My play brother, Cory, was under doctor’s orders and could not drink any alcohol. He decided to berate the rest of us, saying we didn’t know how to have a good time without drinking. He was turning over a new leaf. I asked him if he was going to be a spoilsport at our New Year’s Eve party. He said he was going to be too busy getting drunk to worry about what everyone else was doing.
- My mom called to wish me happy birthday. She called the day after my birthday. When I confronted her on this, she wanted to know why I had a problem. She was only a day late. No wonder I have acceptance issues.
Lately I’ve been feeling like Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson’s character in The Shining). I’ve been caught in a quagmire, alternating between cabin fever and writer’s block and teetering on the brink of insanity. How many times have I come to this computer with the intention of writing something – anything - only to find myself being drawn to Facebook, trying to beat my high score on Jungle Jewels? That game is dangerously addictive, by the way. For someone whose ultimate goal in life is to become a novelist, having writer’s block is akin to an opera singer with laryngitis. The words are there, but nothing is coming out.
One of my problems is that I’m forever in a state of procrastination. Everything in due time. 3 weeks later and I’m wondering what the heck happened. Where did the time go? Now I’m panicking. Exactly what was it I was supposed to be doing anyway? It’s not easy being me.
I usually don’t make New Year’s resolution, but this year I feel I must. I have to start making everything just a little more urgent. I’m sure I could beat this writer’s block if I felt I was running out of time and had to get something written yesterday. Of course if someone were to dangle a million dollars over my head, you can bet I would be a published author before the ball drops in Times Square this year.
So once again, I commit myself to writing my book and keeping this blog updated every day. I know you’re thinking, empty promises. The only thing I can do is show and prove. After all, as the saying goes, “the definition of insanity is always doing the same thing and expecting different results.” If I’m not even doing anything (in this case writing), what results, if any, can I really expect?
After much frustration and overall disenchantment, I’ve changed my identity. I can no longer relate to the PC. Too many viruses, pop-ups, shut downs and everything in between. You name it, I had it. And I got it from the PC.
I’ve lusted after the Mac for a long time. I used to lurk around the Apple store like some kind of stalkers; watching all the cool people go in and out with their MacBooks. I wondered if that could be me one day. But like a woman who stays in a bad relationship for way too long, I couldn’t make the break from the PC.
I don’t know what it was that was holding me back. Maybe I was afraid of change. You know how it is when you get comfortable with something (or someone). It’s like your favorite old, stinky shoes. No matter how much they disgust you, they just feel so good.
Well, I finally got up the nerve. Hubby and I went to the Apple store the other day. This time I wasn’t going to just stand around and eye others and eavesdrop on the conversations of the cool people. I was going to be one of them. I was determined. Even as I entered, I heard that darn PC calling my name. It was at home, taking up valuable space on my desk, daring me to cheat on it. I ignored the call and pulled a sales lady aside. She was busy, but she must have seen the desperate look in my face because she told me she would be with me right away. Less than a minute later, just as I was getting cold feet, she came to my rescue. I told her I wanted the new iMac with the 27 inch screen. I had played around with it in the store and knew it was the perfect match for me. I was thinking the 21 inch was good enough, but hubby was in my ear telling me it didn’t make since to get the smaller screen when it was only $200 cheaper. I just needed to ask a few questions to be sure.
Maybe I was stalling. I was waiting for the PC, that was still whispering in my ear, to give me a valid reason to stay. It was fighting a losing battle. The cool Mac girl was answering (or getting answers for) all my questions and then some. After a while, I couldn’t hear the PC anymore. The voice had faded. It had lost its hold on me. Before I knew it, I was pulling out my credit card.
As we walked out the store, I realized I had not captured the exact moment I wanted to. I wanted to be like the cool people walking out with my new purchase. Only problem was, it was too big to carry out of the store and through the mall. We had to have a cool stock boy bring it to the car in the back of the store, in an alley. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed, but I shook it off.
By the time we got home, we were both too beat to even take the thing out of the box, let alone hook it up. It would have to wait another day. The PC thought it would have another chance.
The next day I was like a kid at Christmas. I couldn’t wait to get up and open the present Santa had brought me. It took me and hubby a little while to get it out of the box (that thing was heavy), but once we did it was strictly plug and play. No matching up color cables to the connections on the back of the CPU. No directions needed. After a few clicks and entering a little info, I was up and running. The screen seemed a little too overpowering on my desk, but no matter. I was happy to have moved on and I didn’t even feel as if I was cheating.
Later on, I started feeling a little ill. That screen sure seemed a little too big, but I was happy. I just needed to go lay down. Maybe all the running around I had been doing and the work related stress had gotten to me. I would give it another go the next day.
I dreamed about that big screen that night. Actually, it was more like a nightmare, but whatever. The next day, I went back in. So far, so good. But why was I getting that nauseating feeling again? Hmmm. Maybe the light was too bright on my desk. I had only had the same light for about 4 years, but that had to be it. Why was I just now noticing that light was making me sick? And the desk. Something was wrong with that desk too. So I got my laptop (yeah, the PC). It laughed at me in my face, but I ignored it. I took it to the sofa and tried to do some work. Why did it feel so good to be sitting on the sofa typing? Why was I no longer feeling sick? Hmmm.
Suddenly it all became clear to me. I still wanted my freedom from the PC, but I also wanted my freedom from being tied down to my desk. I should have known better than to get a desktop. Then there was that monstrous screen! It didn’t seem so big in the store on a huge table, sitting low while I sat on a stool looking down at it. At home on my much smaller desk, I was constantly looking up at it and I was sitting too close. Also, I couldn’t unplug it and take it to the sofa when I got tired of sitting at my desk. I’m a writer. I need to be mobile. I had to go back to the Apple store and get the cool MacBook Pro. I looked over at hubby and shared my thoughts. He couldn’t believe I wanted to get rid of that big screen! Was I smoking something?
The next day, we were back in the Mac store. While I waited for the cool Mac girl to get my return and credit my card, minus the astronomical restocking fee (nothing cool about that), I flip-flopped between the 15 and 17 inch MacBook. Hubby and I got into a slight argument as I tried to make him tell me what to do. He simply refused. I was pissed! I couldn’t make up my mind and this was no time for him to not have an opinion. Finally I decided I could not justify the price of the 17 inch and by the time the cool Mac girl came back, my mind was made up.
This time I walked out of the store with my new laptop in hand. I was finally one of them! The PC is still sitting on my desk, but it’s a major FAIL in comparison to my lovely new titanium boy toy. I just need to clear my things out of it and then I’m leaving. For good this time.
Like a caged tired being freed back into the wild, the holidays have roared upon us. Yeah, I know. Bad analogy. This time of year brings about mixed emotions for me, as I’m sure it does for many. At first I’m excited. I thoroughly enjoy Thanksgiving. This is one of the few days most of my family gets together on a happy occasion. And surprisingly, we all get along pretty good for those few hours. I let go of any thoughts of dieting (like that is really on my mind anyway). What is Thanksgiving without all the fat and calories that come with the meal?
Once that day is over, I start to dread the holidays. Just thinking of shopping for others leaves me feeling nauseous. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Christmas is stuffed down our throats in early July. Come October, Madison Avenue goes into overdrive pumping must-have gift ideas and so-called “door buster” sales. By December, I’m pretty much over it.
In a family as big as mine, the holidays can bring about a fair amount of anxiety. You actually see each other more often during this one month period than probably any other time of year. I’ve even heard about holiday related stress from friends with smaller families. I guess the family dynamics are rough on the best of us. With this in mind, I’ve decided to put together a primer of sorts. I’ve already given pointers for how to be a gracious host. Now I will share a quick list of ways to help you stay sane during this time of year that’s supposed to be overflowing with joy.
- Keep your opinions to yourself. You might have been thinking that the last time you saw your 45 year old cousin she looked ridiculous dressed like a teenager, but when she walks in the door with skinny jeans hanging below the waist and a tight v-neck sweater with her twins threatening to pop out, just keep your mouth shut. You can always call your sister later and talk about it.
- If you’re going to have dinner at someone’s house you’ve never been to before, eat before going. I know this old trick is often used on other occasions, like first dates, but it works especially well for the holidays. Let’s face it, holidays are all about eating. You expect to be fed well. But what if you’ve never had their food before? You’ll go over there starving, prepared to stuff your face, only to be let down when the turkey tastes like a paper bag and you can’t tell the difference between the dressing and the gravy. If the food turns out to be good, just take a couple plates home with you for later.
- Dress comfortably, but carefully. Your picture is bound to end up on Facebook, Twitter or MySpace and it could be there before you even leave the house. Someone is going to be there with their camera phone at the ready. You’ll start getting Tweets about that humungous turkey leg you were just chomping on five minutes ago. If the dinner is at your house, you might want to implement a No Cameras Allowed rule. I’ve been considering this since I was “outed” on Facebook about a party I hosted of which none of my family members were invited. Good ole’ social networking.
- Give yourself a two drink minimum. This includes non-alcoholic drinks as well. If your stomach gets upset easily, take an Immodium before dinner. Unless you’re going to dinner at a 10 bathroom mansion, it’s best not to tie up the facilities. Holiday dinners usually don’t end right after the meal is over; at least not in my family. First there’s the cleanup. Then you sit around and talk for a couple hours. Later on, some folks realize they still have one notch left in their belt, so it’s back for seconds. More cleanup, more talking. By now, we’re several hours in. Sharing two or three bathrooms is not fun with 20-30 folks. When half of them have moved on to second base in there, it’s even less fun.
- Lastly, just enjoy yourself. Don’t worry about what could go wrong, because you really can’t do anything to stop it. It goes without saying that someone is going to get pissed, someone is going to feel slighted and someone is going to say the wrong thing. You’ll either be that someone in all 3 of these instances or you will be the person who does the pissing off, the slighting and the sticking your foot in your mouth. I’ve been on both sides. It ain’t pretty, but it happens to the best of us.
When I heard the trendy and chic, yet affordable, H&M was opening a new store in my city, I was almost as excited as I was when I got my Michael Jackson jacket for Christmas. Finally, I would get a chance to see firsthand what all the hype was about.
By no means am I a trendy dresser. I prefer to stick with the classic styles. But every now and then I like to toss it up a bit, especially if I’m planning to do a little partying. So I ventured on into the H&M store. On opening weekend. What the heck was I thinking? People were everywhere.
The store is a lot bigger than I imagined, although one could hardly tell from all the bumper to bumper (or should I say shoulder to shoulder) traffic.At first glance I thought they were giving away free clothes.
After only a few minutes of being knocked and pushed around by giant women, I started to develop a complex. For one, hardly any piece of clothing in the joint was anywhere close to my size. Second, there was those giant women. I was feeling like I walked into the middle of a casting call for America’s Next Top Model.
What was really going on here? Nothing I had ever heard or read about H&M mentioned you had to be 6 feet tall and weigh less than my Cabbage Patch Kid to find a cute outfit in the store. I was highly disappointed. That is until I saw bags and shoes being tossed about among a group of women huddled up in a corner. Hmmm…bags and shoes. Definitely something I could get with. Normally I don’t like crowds, but when bags and shoes are involved, I’m in there!
I have to say, I walked in the store with a budget in mind and although I walked out with several loaded shopping bags, I stuck to it. Yet, that small accomplishment was not enough to motivate me to go back. I’ve generally avoided the store since then, but the recent news of their new Jimmy Choo line is reason enough to give it another try.
That’s right, Jimmy Choo is budget conscious. He has designed a new line of bags, shoes and accessories for women and men, debuting at 200 H&M stores on November 14.
This should be good. I’ve never, ever put my feet in a pair of Jimmy Choo’s, but I’ve watched enough Sex & The City to silently covet them.
I know they won’t be the exact same shoes we often see on the red carpet, but if his name is anywhere on them, I’m good. I know I should be able to find a pair in my size. After all, giant women tend to have giant feet to match.
A few months ago, I had a nasty cold that turned into an even nastier cough. My play brother, Cory, gave me some cough syrup that was nastier than the cold and cough combined. It’s called Buckley’s. I had not heard of it before, but he assured me it was a little known gem.
Ladies, this stuff will put hair on your chest. Guys, it will make you shriek like a little girl. Cory warned me beforehand. He said he actually ran around his house and chugged down a whole bottle of Gatorade right after he finished taking it, but miraculously, it cured his cough.
I was so sick of coughing and getting the side-eye from people, I figured, what the heck. Besides, I can take a Goody Powder without water or any other form of liquid when most people have to darn near chase it down with a shot of Patron. This Buckley’s should be child’s play.
Well, when I opened the bottle and the horrific smell shot straight up my nose, I probably should have taken that as a bad sign. I have almost never gagged at anything but I was this close to spitting it out. The taste is nearly indescribable. It’s like you’re drinking ammonia mixed with tree bark. You’ve never actually tasted either of those two things (at least most of us haven’t), but you think you would know how ammonia and tree bark would taste.
Corey and hubby got a good laugh out of me that day. Of course, they had to stand there and watch me drink it. After he finished laughing and pointing at me like we were on the playground and some little snot nosed kid had just finished throwing mud in my hair, hubby decided to check the ingredients. Gee, thanks for checking on that AFTER I had already taken it.
Most of the ingredients were lost to me; as is the case for just about all medications I’ve ever taken. The one that stood out is ammonium carbonate. What the hell? Had I actually just consumed ammonia? The horror! Again, I figured, what the heck? If it worked, it was worth the risk.
As it turns out, it’s not exactly ammonia. Ammonium carbonate is a compound that is frequently crushed into smelling salts to revive people when they faint. I guess the makers of Buckley’s had to sneak that in to keep you from fainting from the smell of this stuff.
Wired magazine recently did a feature on the ingredients in in the cough syrup. It helped shed some light on what makes the cough syrup smell so bad and why it supposedly works so well.
Funny thing is, it didn’t work for me. Turns out, I had a sinus infection that was draining backward. I had to get some real drugs to clear it up. The fact that it didn’t work for me didn’t stop me from picking up my own bottle, however. I’ll keep it on hand just in case. Who knows when I might need to chug-a-lug on a little fir tree resin and pine needle oil.
If you have not seen Couples Retreat, get thee to the nearest movie theater. Pronto!
I had not been to a movie theater in a while. Call me crazy, but I much prefer paying around $5 (Blu-ray) to rent a movie that I can watch whenever I get ready, in the comfort of my own home, without having to hear other people talk back to the screen or laughing loudly at something that doesn’t seem funny in the least to me. When hubby does this, I simply pause or rewind. Can’t do that in the theater. The scene is lost forever unless I rent the movie when it comes out on video, in which case I’ve paid over $15 for the same movie.
So when one of my fave actors, Vince Vaughn, is starring in a new flick, I’m torn. Do I catch this in the theater or do I wait for the video? I already know it’s going to be hilarious. This IS Vince Vaughn.
It just so happened, hubby and I found ourselves in the vicinity of a movie theater this past Saturday, so the choice was made. For 10 minutes before the previews, hubby complained about the $21 he had just dropped on our tickets. This is usually how it goes, so I kind of zoned out. Luckily the movie was an A++ or I would still be hearing about those $21.
You know how sometimes you see the best parts of a movie in the trailer? Well, Couples Retreat is not that movie. The trailer is just a sneak peek into what is possibly the funniest movie of the year.
This is a must see if you are in the mood for non-stop laughter. Although I was sandwiched in between hubby and some strange dude (what were we thinking going to the movies on Saturday night), I thoroughly enjoyed myself. At one point, my stomach was literally cramping from so much laughing.
Even if you’re not coupled up, you’ll find yourself cracking up at these outrageous couples and wondering what is your Animal Relationship Totem. Side note: Apparently, I’m a Honey Bee. Alrighty then.